Most men – average men – can only begin enjoying life at age 29 the way women do at age 19 because it takes them that long to gain the resources women find attractive. The point in life where men’s and women’s access intersect is the marriage zone. She has to get him to commit in that zone before he realizes that his life is really just starting. My recommendation: she’s enjoyed her “wild and free” days, so avoid marriage and go enjoy yours. Travel. Sex up a variety of women. Explore your hobby now that you have both the time and resources to do so. In short, live life with the access of a carefree 19 year old party girl.
Ages 15 to 19: The chart starts at age 15. Here women are at an access level of 8, which means they can pretty much do whatever they want whenever they want. By the time she’s 19 and has a fake ID, she soars up to a 10 which means the world is her oyster. Your average man in this same category is lucky if he gets a blowjob from the ugly chick in 2nd period, and feels truly fortunate if he can keep a steady girlfriend and get laid on a semi regular basis.
Ages 20 to 25: Women are at their peak during most of this time, and even though their access starts to decline, it declines only because they themselves are being more selective while staging for marriage. Men during this time are steadily learning how to deal with women and are increasing their earning potential, so things are getting slowly better. Still, they haven’t reached the level of access that their female counterparts have enjoyed since age 15.
Age 26 to 28: This is the start of the marriage zone. Women’s clocks are ticking, and men have finally turned a job into a career. Though women’s access is still at a very high 8, she notices the men around her have more choices. They’ve reached an access level of 7 and are steadily rising. Though she gets roughly the same amount of attention from men that she used to, she notices the men are far less likely to catch oneitis in her presence. Men are getting smarter and they have more options because of their increased access. She has to get him to commit as soon as possible before he realizes just how numerous his options really are.
Age 29 to 30: This is a superb time for men to be alive. The tables have now turned. She’s finally learned that while finding dick takes very little effort, finding *committed* dick isn’t as easy as she was told it would be. Even though she screwed up in the marriage zone and wasn’t able to secure a partner, she’s going to stay on the prowl and be “in it to win it”.
Age 31 and up: As her sexual and marriage market value slowly decreases, so does her access to committed dick. Meanwhile, the men who were smart enough to avoid her in the marriage zone have a long and happy life ahead of them. Even at age 40 – if they are successful and have stayed in shape – these men can find a 28 year old woman to bear their children if they want. The men have nothing to lose. The women continue to slowly decline until they settle for a beta or convince themselves that being a career woman in Cougarville was really what they wanted all along.
After men avoid the marriage zone, their access soars. They can enjoy a series of fulfilling monogamous relationships with women who are on their best behavior since they’re desperately trying to get married, and fill in the time in between these relationships by banging easy targets such as single mothers, divorcees, and rabid feminists who are second guessing their decisions.
So gentlemen, stay in shape. Focus on your career, build a stable financial portfolio, and keep your access soaring. If you absolutely must have a child, do it in your late 30’s or early 40’s with a hot little number in her 20’s. It can happen. If you’re like me and children aren’t in your future, the possibilities are endless.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a
mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital
swimming pool Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became
aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged
from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news
and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were
able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life
of the person you love. I have concluded
that your act displays sound mindedness”.
"The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his
bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, “He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry”.
The President has recently created the position of Golf Czar. This new official will promulgate major rules changes in the game of golf, which will become effective at 6:00 a.m. Washington DC time on the morning following the first full moon after Inauguration Day 2013.
The following is only a preview as the USGA/R&A rule book is being superceded for U.S. play (expect a minimum of 2716 pages, not counting appendices, indexes, and illustrations).
Here are a few of the changes:
1. Golfers with handicaps:
- Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
2. The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:
- Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
- Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.
3. In addition, a golfer will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round.
Any excess pars/birdies must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par.
Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again .
4. The current USGA handicap system will be used, but "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above. To "re-distribute" the success of winning, in all competitions every player above an 18 handicap will post only "net score" whereas players whose handicap is 18 or less must post "gross score".
Just got off the phone with a friend
who lives in Northern Tip of Manhattan. He said that since early this
morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature
is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale
force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and
just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her
A priest is sitting inside the church, when a bloke comes in and asks to be confessed.
"Very well, my child," says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, "Tell me about your sins."
Father," says the bloke, "On Monday, I was at my girlfriend's house,
and, well... the two of us alone, the house empty... I sinned, Father."
worry, child," says the priest, "It's perfectly normal to have such
desires and share them with your partner. Nothing serious, so just say
two prayers and you will be cleansed of your sins."
continues the man, "It doesn't end there. On Tuesday, I was at
my girlfriend's house again, but she had gone out with her mates, and
the only one there was her sister, and, well... the two of us alone, the
house empty... I sinned again, Father."
"Oh, child," says the Father, "You must be strong and fight those urges! Eight prayers shall cleanse you of your sins."
Father," says the bloke again, "On Wednesday, I was at my girlfriend's
house again, and she wasn't there then either, and the only one at home
was her mum, and, well... the two of us alone, the house empty... Again I
"Good Lord," says the priest, "Child, you must think about what you do, so pray-"
Father," says the bloke, "On Thursday, I was at my girlfriend's house
again, and the whole family had gone to the shop, and the only one there
was the maid, and, well.... the two of us alone, the house empty... I
sinned yet again, Father."
The priest falls silent.
then," continues the bloke,
"On Friday, I was at her house again, and they had gone out for the
weekend and the only one there was her aunt, and , well... the two of us
alone, the house empty..."
The priest still did not answer.
on Saturday," said the bloke, "I went to her house again, and there was
nobody there except for her grandmother, and, well..."
The man awaits a reply, but upon hearing none, he exits the booth - only to find the priest up on the belfry.
"Father," he calls, "What are you doing up there? I haven't finished!"
"Like fuck I'm coming down," says the priest, "The two of us alone, the church empty... and I don't want you to sin any more."
guys in the pub were struggling to settle an argument about who was the
best lover when one suggested he had a sound measuring device and that
they should all take it in turns to record how loud their wives screamed
They all agreed, so a week later the group met in the pub to discuss their results over a pint.
"Well I did the experiment," said the first guy, "and the device measured 89 decibels, beat that."
problem," said the second guy smugly. "I did the experiment and the
device measured 98 decibels. Now, what do you say about that?"
"Not bad," the third guy replied, "but when I did the experiment the device measured in at a whopping 128
"128 decibels?" said the first bloke. "How on earth did you get your missus to scream that loud while you were having sex?"
"Easy," he replied, "she walked in while I was fucking her sister."
"You worry too much about this God shit," he said. "Always concerned in case you offend the big Pixie In The Sky." "You should do what I do," he said. "Go out and get pissed, get yourself a hot hooker & fuck the tits off
her. You'll soon forget all the religious crap."
"That's good advice Father. But can I take it you're a bit disillusioned with taking confession?"