JP Morgan farewell email.

A guy named Jay Rodriguez sent this email out to what appeared to be the entire JPM office in NJ. It then did the rounds on Wall Street. Very funny stuff... he even has a go at the CEO, so it's well worth reading through.

Dear Co-Workers and Managers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Today is my last day."

For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj Hariprashad: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "meets expectation." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I've actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Philip Cress, I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe Cobbinah were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.

To Brenda Ashby whom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was truly demoralizing.

To Sylvia Keenan, you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart. Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking about someone who knows your disgusting secrets.  ; )

To Bob Malvin (Mr. Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone. You threw me to the wolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too much from it. I still can't believe that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.

Don Merritt (Mr. Cronyism Sr), I'm happy that you were let go in the same manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly vomit. I never expected to see management benefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company's rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.

To all of the executives of this company, Jamie Dimon and such. Despite working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it's a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us "faceless little people" more. There are many great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient ("because it's good for the company") in India or Tampa who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and will cherish our history together. Please don't bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening to Biggie.

One.  [meaning]

Comments

[JPMORGAN]

RIGHT ON!!!
I HOPE THIS GOT THROUGH TO EVERYONE. JPMC IS A PRETTY SHITTY COMPANY TO WORK FOR. HR IS ONLY LOOKING OUT FOR THE BIG WIGS. THE MOVE LAYOFFS THE BIGGER THE BONUS. THEY'LL JUST HIRE COLLEGE GRADS FOR CRAP MONEY AND WORK THEM TO THE BONES.

[arisa]

Well it was only the first two paragraphs that were funny – it started going downhill pretty quickly thereafter. Frankly, he’s just plain pathetic. One thing you should know being in this industry is to never spill your guts out when you leave a company. This is such a small world.. badmouthing almost always backfires you know, someone’s gonna know he did this. And namedropping? That’s an all-time low. I say he deserved whatever treatment he got at JPM.

[jkas]

you're absolutely correct. However I subscribe to the Home Simpson school of humor thought: it's funny because it's not me.

[Anthony Atkins]

This was actually written by the comedian Chris Kula and placed on his blog so I very much doubt the guy named sent it round his entire company or at the very least what he lacks in originality he makes up in balls

[Scott Kennedy]

I just don't understand why the CEOs at the top are gifted with such enormous bonuses?

[jkas]

part of it is the market cap of the companies are so much higher than even 20 years ago. the rest is we let them get away with it.

[Juan]

CUCUTA DICE SI AL MONORRIEL

1- JP Morgan (CHASE) es una entidad financiera a nivel mundial seria, sólida y confiable. Eso significa que las especificaciones y calidad del desarrollo a financiar debe reunir los requisitos de alto nivel.

2- Por las limitaciones de espacio en las vias actuales de Cúcuta para aumentar carriles y colocar en operación unas rutas de buses de cualquier tipo, esta de un sistema elevado soluciona esa deficiencia.New York para unir los 3 aeropuertos (JFK - LaGuardia - Newark) construyeron un sistema que en algunos trayectos usa el monoriel.

3- La parte económica está resuelta.

4- Lo mas importante es que la operación y manejo de la obra tendrá organización y eficiencia al menos por 30 años

LO MALO, para los oportunistas, no habrá mucho espacio para los chanchullos y deshonestidad...

Una de las tantas cosas BUENAS: colocará la imagen de la ciudad en un altisimo nivel en Colombia y el mundo

Lo único que digo es que al paso que van este proyecto no va a salir de la etapa de estudios, ya llevan como 5 años en eso y no se ve ningun avance significativo.

No interesa que tipo de SITM se va a implementar, lo que necesitamos es un sistema amable, organizado, con excelente infraestructura, etc..., pero por favor que se dejen de tantos estudios, que con todo eso me da la impresión que muchas empresas no estan interesadas en que el SITM se haga realidad en la ciudad

Más patéticos no podrian ser los argumentos de los dirigentes, deberia decir que no le inetresa por que no obtiene su tajadita y listo

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