WallStreetJackass

movie homework

Taken is phenomenal, despite the inevitable cringe ending... 

mornin'

Lou Pritchett's letter to the president. (aka an executive message to the executive)

Dear President Obama: 

You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me. You scare me because after 24 months of exposure, I know nothing about you.

[that's right, "nothing"; but keep reading anyway]

You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.

[lawyers and best-selling authors are poor!]

You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.

[50^th state does not count]

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.

[certainly not as well as a Texas oil company]

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core.

[the Iraqis will greet us as liberators!]

You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others.

[no ‘class’... he'll never be President of England]

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.

[I hate those Americans who hate Americans.]

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad.

[no letting the black guy talk to the Mexicans!]

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.

[€ = bad]

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.

[primum non nocere. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? in vino veritas??]

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.

[just like that redneck Pickens]

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.

[I like gold. mmmmm…. golden eggs.]

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations.

[unconditional taxpayer money for all the banks!]

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.

[ah, the Bush-era surpluses…]

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.

[who would have thunk  there were two kinds of muslims in Iraq?]

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.

[which is omnious]

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.

[9/11! 9/11!]

You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view.

[fat-drug-addict-who-fucks-third-world-hookers, wanker, douchebag, freakazoid.  Demons to a man.]

You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.

[be a decider not a controller]

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.

[obama is going to revoke term limits!]

Lou Pritchett

[Lou in Hawaii doing his due diligence on Obama's suspicious school years]

Lou Pritchett is one of corporate America's true living legends [sic]- an acclaimed author, dynamic teacher and one of the world's highest rated speakers. Successful corporate executives everywhere recognize him as the foremost leader in change management. Lou changed the way America does business by creating an audacious concept that came to be known as "partnering." Pritchett rose from soap salesman to Vice-President, Sales and Customer Development for Procter and Gamble and over the course of 36 years, made corporate history.

["partnering" sounds audacious, but the tattoos are a bitch.]

things to ponder on

*1.  The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.*

*2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.*

*3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.*

*4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.*

*5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.*

*6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?*

*7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.*

*8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?*

*9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.*

*10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.*

*11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.*

*12. There are worse things than getting  a call for a wrong number at 4:00 a.m.  -- Like this: It could be a right number.*

*13. No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.*

*14.  I've reached the age where the Happy Hour is a nap.*

*15. Be  careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like  it.*

*16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.*

*17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?  *
*(And rap  music will be the "Golden Oldies!")*

*18. Money can't buy happiness  -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.*

*19. After age 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead!*

[h/t RichL]

miscellany

having lived in London, I don't miss this part

world's most disturbing sex toys

The Wrightsman Stuff

Presidential Icecream

balance

God was missing for six days... Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it... I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth,
while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God ? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "There's another Washington . Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

proper use of the post-it note

always get a second opinion

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your constant headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your     spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.  However, he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he   was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... a new suit.'

He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see...size 44 long.'

Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit; it fitted perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the       mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'

Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years.'

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around  the shop, and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'

The salesman said, 'Let's see...size 36.'

Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years  old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34.  A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

miscellany

If it's edible, it's better with Squeez Bacon

hope she gets her honeymoon deposit back

5 real soldiers who make Rambo look like a pussy