WallStreetJackass

I got ya Michael Jackson jokes right here...

Michael Jackson is not going to be buried or cremated but recycled into shopping bags so he can remain white, plastic and dangerous for kids to play with.

Michael Jackson's family have requested he be melted down and made into toys so the kids can play with him for a change.

Reports of Michael Jackson suffering a cardiac arrest are incorrect. He was found in the childrens ward having a stroke

What are McMahon, MJ and Farrah Faucett waiting for on the 4^th of July? Patrick Swayze.

Jockeys at Belmont are going to wear black armbands out of respect for Michael Jackson who successfully rode more 3 year olds than anyone in living memory.

Michael Jackson hasn't been this stiff since Macauley Culkin's 10 year old birthday party.

Reports suggest that Michael Jackson's heart attack was brought on by him choking on a small bone.

Breaking News: Michael Jackson didn't die of a heart attack, it was an allergic reaction to 12 year old nuts.

the difference between Jacko and Disney films? Disney films can still touch children.

There may still be hope of bringing him back! Apparently they've sent one of the Charlies Angels in after him!

All of Michael Jackson's dates are now cancelled, including Simon and Ryan aged 5 and 9.

Apparently Michael Jackson died falling over a pram, a police spokesman said it's too early to determine cause of death but don't blame it on the buggy

And finally, Michael Jackson's new song is out this week: "R I P, easy as 1 2 3"

on golf and presidents

from an FT article on Obama's interest in golf...

“It does look like a very good exercise, but what is the little white ball for?” Ulysses S. Grant

“Dan would rather play golf than have sex any day.” Mrs Dan Quayle.

"[Taft's swing] resembled a sumo wrestler trying to swat a gnat”. Don van Natta

“[Eisenhower had a] Jeffersonian conviction that there should be as little government and as much golf as possible”. Alistair Cooke

“I believe you [VP Spiro Agnew] have a slight swing in your flaw,” Jimmy Demaret

“It is amazing how many people beat you at golf now that you’re no longer president.” George Bush (the sane one)

"If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust” H.L. Mencken

and another...

They say celebs die in threes [MJ, Fawcett, Ed McMahon], leave it to Billy Mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! [h/t gm]

number 2

[h/t GM]

the first of (I hope) many

When Farah Fawcett got to heaven, and went through the pearly gates, she was greeted by God.

"Wow!" exclaimed the Holy Ghost. "We really enjoyed your work here. Especially Charlie's Angels! I still have a poster in my office of you with that red bikini!"

Farah is a little taken aback. "Thank you, Lord..."

Jehovah goes on, "Well, I have a special reward for you. I'm prepared to grant you one wish. Have anything in mind?"

Not one to act selfish and change God's opinion of her, Farah thinks for a second and decides upon a wish. "I'd like for all the children of the world to be safe and sound forever."

"Done!" exclaims the Heavenly Father. He snaps his fingers, and Michael Jackson appears next to Farah.

[h/t jas]

Michael Lewis on fatherhood

"Memory loss is the key to human reproduction"

I have a daughter

when she turns 15 she's being sent to an all-girls boarding school in Canada.

revenge

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

’Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.’

’One Cent?’ the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked: ‘How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?’

’A nickel,’ the barman replied.

’A nickel?’ exclaimed the man.

‘Where’s the guy who owns this place?’

The bartender replied: ‘Upstairs, with my wife.’

The man asked: ‘What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?’

The bartender replied: ‘The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.’

books

I recently read some fiction - "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" and "The White Tiger", both of which were enjoyable. From the Oscar Wao book, I came across this great term:

"Culacrat" - a politician whose ambition is superseded by chasing tail (ie: Bubba Clinton)

now reading "Fool's Gold" by FT reporter Gillian Tett (whose reporting on the credit bubble was known as "The Tett Offensive" by bank executives)... it's fascinating reading, although part hagiography of JPM's CEO Dimon. Pretty wild to read about markets that I traded myself... clearly I'm getting old.

anyway, unless I come across something very entertaining, no posts this week.

miscellany

breaking from US Open

nice work

perfect Father's Day gift