Ralph and Edna were both patients in a
mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital
swimming pool Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became
aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged
from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news
and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were
able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life
of the person you love. I have concluded
that your act displays sound mindedness”.
"The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his
bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, “He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry”.
The President has recently created the position of Golf Czar. This new official will promulgate major rules changes in the game of golf, which will become effective at 6:00 a.m. Washington DC time on the morning following the first full moon after Inauguration Day 2013.
The following is only a preview as the USGA/R&A rule book is being superceded for U.S. play (expect a minimum of 2716 pages, not counting appendices, indexes, and illustrations).
Here are a few of the changes:
1. Golfers with handicaps:
- Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
2. The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:
- Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
- Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.
3. In addition, a golfer will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round.
Any excess pars/birdies must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par.
Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again .
4. The current USGA handicap system will be used, but "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above. To "re-distribute" the success of winning, in all competitions every player above an 18 handicap will post only "net score" whereas players whose handicap is 18 or less must post "gross score".
Just got off the phone with a friend
who lives in Northern Tip of Manhattan. He said that since early this
morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature
is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale
force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and
just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her
in
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