As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the various social events over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a far too many beers and then topped it off with four or five margaritas. Not a good idea. Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home. Sure enough I passed a police road block, but because it was a taxi, they waved it past. I arrived home
safely without incident, which was a real surprise. I have never driven a taxi before and am not sure where I got it.
In the year 2012, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Buffalo and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" he roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit.
"I've been arguing with the boat inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood bylaws by building
the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had
to go to the local planning committee for a variance.
the local council and the electricity company demanded a shed load of
money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move
to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they
would hear nothing of it.
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl.
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA took me to court. They
insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed
still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on
how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
"Immigration are checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work.
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience.
make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming
I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it."